October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
I'm sharing quotes, resources, information, hope and affirmations in October, for National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Check out last year’s post and follow me on Instagram and Facebook to learn more about this silent epidemic.
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men will experience physical violence during their lifetime.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCAD)
offers referrals to agencies providing help
Love is Respect
Jersey Battered Womens Services (JBWS)
Morris County, NJ full service DV support
Abuse is never the fault of the victim.
It is a tactic of power and control by the abuser.
We all know people who have experienced abuse.
Sometimes abuse is obvious. More often it is extremely hidden, and slides under the radar of friends and family.
Until I became a trained domestic violence advocate, I was naive about how many people I know have experienced this in current or past relationships. It is shockingly common.
Men and women, boys and girls can be victims or perpetrators.
It’s easy to miss the signs.
Victims don’t necessarily look like victims. They work and go to school alongside all of us. Do you know what signs to look out for? Get resources and info here and on last year’s post, 31 days of hope and resources for domestic violence.
Abuse is always about the perpetrator’s need for power and control.
Is your relationship healthy? Take the quiz posted later this month.
Leaving an unhealthy relationship is complicated. Make a safety plan. One of the most dangerous times is when a victim decides to leave, because the abuser knows he is losing control.
Abuse is not just physical. It can also be emotional, psychological, sexual, verbal or financial. It often begins as something other than physical, and progresses as the abuse increases.
How can you safely support someone in an unhealthy relationship?
Whether you’re wondering about your own relationship, or are concerned about someone you know, please know that there is hope and help. Connect with resources here, or where you live.
When my college friend’s boyfriend came to visit, she became a different person.
Her friendly personality changed, and she seemed meek and timid around him. None of us got it, though.
They spent entire weekends pretty much locked in her dorm room. When we saw her, her eyes were puffy. We heard them fighting and crying. She tearfully promised us that she was fine. She wasn’t, but I accepted her excuse of “not really getting along.”
After all, I thought, if they didn’t get along, she would just break up, right? Wrong. Relationships are much more complicated.
She wasn’t allowed to speak to other guys, her boyfriend told her what to wear and what to eat. He pushed her to live in an all-girls dorm so that she wouldn’t be around men. She came back from winter break with an engagement ring. That ring told the other guys that he owned her.
I wish I knew that her smokescreen was hiding a seriously bad relationship. Nobody knew what to do or how to help, and we didn’t understand why she stayed with someone who made her so sad.
She talked about leaving, but said she didn’t know how. There really wasn’t information or awareness back then. Now, there is so much more help.
I wonder what happened to her.
I wish I knew then what I know now.
Take the teen quiz @thehotline: How to help your friend get safe help if they're in a scary relationship.
A huge part of college, of course, is meeting new people and having new experiences. Use or share this safety planning information to help stay safe.
The #metoo movement and recent news stories brings attention the the dangers that most women experience during their lives, whether in a committed relationship, casual acquaintances as well as strangers at parties or events.
While we absolutely have a right to expect that we will be safe with friends and dates, the reality is that abuse happens
Learning how to stay safe with new people, new situations, new environments is crucial. Not everyone is who they seem to be.
New friendships and new relationships are important, and so is safety planning. Create a safety plan using this interactive tool.
80% of parents say they don't think that dating abuse is a problem, or don't know if it is. 80% of parents are confident they can spot the warning signs in their child.
Yet 43% of college women who date have experienced violent abusive behavior.
Let's shine a light on the reality so that we can support our children into recognizing healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns. Learn more facts here.
You are enough. You're perfect just the way you are.
If recent news stories are triggering you, be aware and compassionate with yourself. If you’ve held a trauma deeply within you, or are feeling triggered, please reach out to speak to someone. It is not your fault. And it’s never too late to heal.
No matter what may have happened to you in your past, or what you are going through now, you are enough.
Denise Fountain is a Life Transitions Specialist and Certified Professional Coach. She works with women going through transitions to rediscover themselves and create lives that are happy, healthy and whole again. Together with her clients, she explores the connection between stress, health and happiness, and guides her clients to move forward to make lasting and sustainable changes.
Denise is passionate about helping women live their best lives. Denise provides coaching for clients living anywhere by phone or Skype, and is available for speaking engagements and workshops. Sign up for updates. Contact her at email@example.com to learn more about how Denise can partner with you to create the life you dream of.