Hope and resources for domestic violence

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October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I'm sharing quotes, resources, information, hope and affirmations in October, for National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Check out last year’s post and follow me on Instagram and Facebook to learn more about this silent epidemic. 

1 in 3 women, and 1 in 4 men will experience physical violence during their lifetime.

HELPFUL LINKS:

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCAD)
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
offers referrals to agencies providing help

Love is Respect
Hotline: 1-866-331-9474

JBWS: Safety, Support and Solutions for Abuse
Morris County, NJ 24/7 confidential hotline 877-782-2873

Abuse is never the fault of the victim.

It’s a tactic of power and control by the abuser.

We all know people who have experienced abuse.

Sometimes abuse is obvious. But more often, it’s hidden, and slides under the radar of friends and family. 

Before I became a trained domestic violence advocate and Crisis Response Team Member, I was naive about the hugeness of domestic violence. I’ve learned that many people I know experienced DV in current or past relationships. It is shockingly common.

Men and women, boys and girls can be victims or perpetrators.

It’s easy to miss the signs. Read on for more information on what to do, how to help yourself or someone else, and where to go if you are in danger.

Victims don’t necessarily look like victims. They are our co-workers, friends, professionals and family.

Do you know what signs to look for?

Get resources and info here and on 31 days of hope and resources for domestic violence.

  • Abuse is always about the perpetrator’s need for power and control.

  • Is your relationship healthy?

  • Leaving an unhealthy relationship is complicated. Make a safety plan. One of the most dangerous times is when a victim decides to leave, because the abuser knows they are losing control.

  • Abuse is not just physical. It can be emotional, psychological, sexual, verbal or financial. It often begins as something other than physical, and progresses as the abuse increases.

  • How can you safely support someone in an unhealthy relationship?

Whether you’re wondering about your own relationship, or are concerned about someone you know, please know that there is hope and help. Connect with resources linked here, or where you live.

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When my college friend’s boyfriend came to visit, she became a different person.

Her friendly personality changed, and she seemed meek and timid around him. None of us got it, though.

They spent entire weekends pretty much locked in her dorm room. When we saw her, her eyes were puffy. We heard them fighting and crying. She tearfully promised us that she was fine. She wasn’t, but I accepted her excuse of “not really getting along.”

After all, I thought, if they didn’t get along, she’d just break up, right? Wrong. Relationships are much more complicated.

She wasn’t allowed to speak to other guys. Her boyfriend told her what to wear and what to eat. He pushed her to live in an all-girls dorm so that she wouldn’t be around men. She came back from winter break with an engagement ring. That ring told the other guys that he owned her.

I wish I knew that her smokescreen was hiding a seriously bad relationship. I didn’t have any idea about intimate partner violence back then. None of us knew what to do or how to help. We didn’t understand why she stayed with someone who made her so sad.

She talked about leaving, but said she didn’t know how. There really wasn’t information or awareness back then. Now, there is so much more help available for people who are feeling trapped in a dangerous relationship.

I wonder what happened to her.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

Take the teen quiz @thehotline: How to help your friend get safe help if they're in a scary relationship.

#TeenDating #howtohelpafriend #isthisabuse #DomesticViolenceAwareness #InspireHope #BreakTheSilence #StopDomesticViolence #metoo #believesurvivors #HappyHealthyAndWholeLiving

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A huge part of college, of course, is meeting new people and having new experiences, deciding who to trust. Use or share this safety planning information to help stay safe.

The #metoo movement and recent news stories brings attention the the dangers that most women experience at some point during their lives, whether in a committed relationship, casual acquaintances as well as strangers at parties or events.

While we absolutely have a right to expect that we will be safe with friends and dates, the reality is that abuse happens far too often.

Learning how to stay safe with new people, new situations, new environments is crucial. Not everyone is who they seem to be.

New friendships and new relationships are important, and so is safety planning. Create a safety plan using this interactive tool.

#safetyplanning #loveisrespect #besafe #collegelife #relationships #october #metoo #believesurvivors #datingsafety #teendating #isthislove #happyhealthyandwholeliving

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80% of parents say they don't think that dating abuse is a problem, or don't know if it is. 80% of parents are confident they can spot the warning signs in their child.

Yet 43% of college women who date have experienced violent, abusive behavior.

Let's shine a light on the reality so that we can support our children into recognizing healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns. Learn more facts here.

#selfesteem #domesticviolence #relationships #love #students #college #metoo #believesurvivors #hiddeninplainsight #isthisreallyhappening #happyhealthyandwholeliving

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You are enough. You're perfect just the way you are.

If recent news stories are triggering you, be aware and compassionate with yourself. If you’ve held a trauma deeply within you, or are feeling triggered, please reach out to speak to someone. It is not your fault. And it’s never too late to heal.

No matter what may have happened to you in the past, or what you are going through now, you are enough.

#healthyrelationships #dvam #selfconfidence #feelinggood #youareenough #ownyourpower #nomatterwhat #domesticviolenceawarenessmonth #metoo #believesurvivors #happyhealthyandwholeliving

Denise Fountain is a Life Transformation Coach and Certified Professional Coach. She works with women going through transitions to rediscover themselves and create lives that are happy, healthy and whole again. Together with her clients, she explores the connection between stress, health and happiness, and guides her clients to move forward to make lasting and sustainable changes.

Denise is passionate about helping women live their best lives. Denise provides coaching for clients living anywhere by phone or Skype, and is available for speaking engagements and workshops. Sign up for updates. Contact her at denise@denisefountain.com to learn more about how Denise can partner with you to create the life you dream of.